5 things i’m too shy to tell you publicly

If I feel super comfortable with you we may have argued about whether or not I’m shy. It’s an argument, because I’m super comfortable with you. You’re never going to see it.

For most people though, there are tons of things I’m far to shy to share publicly

1. I’m wrong [ although I often think I am and for some strange reason I have no problem with ‘i did it’. Maybe the thousands [THOUSANDS] of Catholics I grew up with as a small town Protestant kid rubbed some of that guilt off on me. I’m kidding. I’m not blaspheming. I promise, I’m kind of sorry ]

2. I like you / I think you’re smart / I think you’re cool do you want to hang out and be friends? There’s a tiny teenager living under my skin who is terrified of rejection.

3. I believe [fill in the blank]. My tiny teenager believes lots of things but is also afraid you think she’s stupid and dumb. Especially for listing those as two different things.

4. New skills. While I’m learning them. Before I have them. As in they’re not my skills yet but I want them. [most definitely linked to looking like i'm stupid and dumb]

5. You hurt me. Because I think most people won’t care.

Eventually all this smack talking myself gets old and I give myself a kick in the pants. [Not sure if I need to say it but telling me not to be shy doesn't work. You just let me know i was noticed doing it wrong. You were trying to help but it just got worse]. I’m a pretty reflective girl and I’m not afraid of looking in my mirror and owning my baloney. And I realize I’m in my way and I need to ship out.

So last night’s act of bravery was starting a Facebook page for my etsy shop & blog. I did it, then thought – ohmygoodnesswhatifpeoplethinkitisandiamstupidanddumb? And then I thought – i’m sharing this with Facebook friends and if they tell me it is and i am stupid and dumb they’re getting deleted because they’re unkind and not nice.

And if one of my other facebook friends can post bravery updates all year after making a new years resolution, I can too [i'm also too shy to tell you publicly that i admire your new years resolution bravery updates and hope you can read between the lines].

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